The sound of rain wasn’t pleasant, as a child. At school, it meant we had to square dance with the boys—I was far too shy to enjoy this activity. At home, it was even worse. It meant that I would be cold and sometimes wet. I would usually get an earache and cry in pain. My mom would warm a hot water bottle, but what I needed was an antibiotic.
We had a house that ran East/West so one half of the house was South facing. That part of the roof leaked. When it started to rain in the middle of the night, cold and wet drops of water would wake me. Then I would gather the pots and pans from the kitchen and place them under the dripping spots. I had to be very quiet in my sisters’ room so I didn’t wake them. The other two rooms on the South side were the living room, and mine so I didn’t have to be quiet in those rooms. It only took a few storms to memorize the sizes of the leaks. I soon knew where to place the small versus the large pots and which leak needed a bucket. I could fall back asleep and not worry for a little while if I placed the containers correctly. Besides just emptying the containers, the next time I woke up I would have a mess to mop up if I didn’t estimate the leaks correctly.
For the first few years after I married my husband, Roland, I would walk around the house looking for leaks during rainstorms. It was ridiculous, but I couldn’t stop myself.
One day Roland said, “Honey, you don’t have to look for leaks. We have a new roof and if it leaked, we have the money to get it fixed.” That realization took a while to set in, but once it did, I felt Roland was powerful. He could take care of me. I married the right man. I would never be cold or have earache pain again from the rain.
What I didn’t realize, at the time, was that Roland was encouraging me to take back my power. I had the money to fix the roof. I’m powerful. I was powerful, even as a child. I was trying to rectify a bad situation.
I might love my husband, but I don’t need him to take care of me. It took a long time before I understood and felt that I could take care of myself, rain or shine. I had the power.
Thanks to Roland for setting me on the path to self-actualization. Much of whom I am, I owe to him and that conversation.
This week when San Luis Obispo and much of California was hit hard by rain storms, I enjoyed the rain–including the hail storm that you can see on our back deck. The only worry I had was for the burn areas in California.
Thanks to the Friday Night Writers Group for their critique of this blog. Special thanks to my Kritique Kritics partners, Carter Pittman, Christine Taylor and Laurie Woodward who support and inspire my writing.
Tags: Feeling, Powerful by debradavishinkle
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